A few days ago, I shared a post where I expressed that it is not a man’s responsibility to pay for his girlfriend’s hair, nails and makeup. Unsurprisingly, my fellow women threw daggers at me.
Many of them called me a “pick me”. A pick me is a woman who seeks male validation by subtly or overtly criticizing other women, often in a way that positions her as “not like the other girls”.
Before I address this, let me just describe my upbringing. I grew up with a present father who provided my needs. Despite this, he would emphasize the need for a woman to be independent. My father would always say “If you want something, you must get it yourself.”
I started my first business selling lollipops in 9th grade simply because I wanted to have extra money during holidays. I ran a human hair business way before Brazilian hair could be afforded by the average Zambian woman. (2015-2018).
Currently, I have a degree in mental health and clinical psychiatry BUT I decided to pursue a career in weight loss coaching before I make any commitments with employment.
Have I never been spoilt by a man? I HAVE! Practically my whole life! Do I despise money being spent on me? NOT AT ALL!!! But I will not wake up and make a budget for things that I want and expect someone else’s son to take care of them-BECAUSE I was raised as an individual!!!
Now to address the issue of referring to me as a pick me, I have no control over the opinions of others but I would honestly rather be called a pick-me than a beggar or a good digger. Additionally, I’d much rather maintain my self-respect than let a man treat me any way he wants simply because I cannot afford my own needs and wants.
So, I stick to my point, before a man marries you, every single Kwacha that he spends on you is an act of kindness, NOT AN OBLIGATION. To the ladies that decided to say mean things, I pray you heal from the wounds you never speak about.
